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The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Actor Liam Neeson.

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Arizona 7, Us 5, Dick Cheney 5, New York 3, Jon 3, Liam Neeson 2, Bank Of America 2, Applebee 's 2, Applebee 's Famous 2, United States 2, Merrill Edge 2, Larry 2, U.s. 2, America 2, New Miller Fortune 1, Green Apple 1, Yo 1, Olympics 1, Obama Administration 1, Tequila Tango 1,
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  Comedy Central    The Daily Show With Jon Stewart    Actor Liam Neeson.  

    March 3, 2014
    7:30 - 8:01pm PST  

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>> jon: welcome to "the daily show". my name is jon stewart. we've got a good one tonight. a whole show we planned out. liam neeson, very tall man, is joining us. he's an actor. i want to get this right away as jason collins becomes the first openly gay professional basketball player. as michael sam prepares to become the first openly gay nfl player the earth continues to spin on its axis and a plague of low justs has yet to descend upon america. because of this lack of catastrophe it's up to states like arizona to pick up the slack. >> arizona's legislature passed the bill on thursday allows business owners as long as they assert their religious beliefs to deny service to gi and lesbian customers [audience boos] >> jon: i believe that is the appropriate response. [laughter] arizona, i'll say something to you with all due respect. you are on a little bit of a
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roll. you have a law to allow police to ask hispanics for papers, allug doctors to talk to the women about unborn children and now. this you are lucky you are warm and you appear to have the perfect climate for golf and people with asthma because if you had your attitude and seattle's weather you would be the world's largest condom and nuclear waste dump. [cheers and applause] unfortunately, that radioactiveity would give rise to spermaxoman. the world's most powerful and reap lentless swimmer. he is not that dangerous a monster because there's only a very, very small chancel find a victim and even if he finds a victim the fact that he could -- and you can easily destroy him
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with his arch enemy a sock you no longer wear. so don't -- have i shared too much? [laughter] so please explain how to -- how this discriminatory law is not discriminatory. >> it no way would alou anyone to deny someone service. it won't force anyone to create or promote a message, to force home it be in a parade or endorse that with the business. >> jon: yes event planners should never have to work with couples they disapprove of. >> i paid you guys for a service. i was promises -- promised -- it would be ready. >> i want your stiewp (bleep) liar. >> i want my cake! [laughter] >> jon: event planners should never have to be forced toll work with people they hate
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except 40% to 50% of the time. just because someone say won't frf photograph a gay weddinging doesn't mean they are anti-gay. >> she's more than willing to take pictures of homosexuals. she's a christian photographer. >> jon: that may be the worst opening line to a craigslist ad ever. but i had not realized -- [cheers and applause] -- the extent -- [cheers and applause] [laughter] i had the not realize the extent to the which the good pious peoples of arizona have been subjected to the tyranny of arizona's, of course, still illegal gay wedding industry. let's hear from one of gentlemen who voted for this will bill. >> can you give me a specific example of someone in arizona who is forced to do something
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against their religious belief or successfully sued because of their faith? >> i think if anything, this bill is preemptive. >> but you can't cite one example where religious freedom is under attack in arizona? >> not now, no, but how about tomorrow? [laughter] >> jon: you see here in arizona we're all about protecting ourselves from possible futures. that's why i also cosponsored the robot floater id bill -- voter i.d. bill of 2022. what governor in their right mind would sign this piece of (bleep)? >> will january -- jan brewer sign or veto it? >> i have until friday or saturday morning to determine
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that. >> jon: clearly the governor is bicurious on this bill. [laughter] if you are going to sign it you might want to hurry because the lawmakers who voted for the bill are starting to realize what the (bleep) they just did. >> why are you regret your vote? >> it went through really quick. no one had anything telling me don't do it. we, several of us talked. we thought you know this isn't good. it's not good for the state. and -- but -- no one had said anything and we thought well, we'll vote for it. we made a mistake. [ laughter ] >> jon: i know how it is, you know? sittinging around a couple legislators, late at night and no one is around. [ laughter ] three of you just decide to experiment with intolerance but, you know, things go a little too far and then the next day nobody can make eye contact.
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it was just one bill and i didn't even enjoy passing it. it doesn't make me a homophone. of course they are having second thoughts because the bill they passed was morally repugnant as i assume everyone now realizes. [cheers and applause] >> critics of bill say it sanctions discrimination particularly against bay people but others could be impacted as well. a muslim coll refuse to do business with christians because he might consider them infidels. >> jon: right the people who voted for it realized that muslims could refuse service to them. right, but they are backing away from it because it's morally repugnant, right? >> i hope that governor brewer is a good friend of mine will veto. most importantly it's the impression it's creating because it's viewed as discriminatory. >> jon: no, no it's not an
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impression. that's not why you are against it. you are against it because it's morally repugnant? >> this can effect tourism, the state's economy and job creation. >> the arizona super bowl host committee could jeopardize plans for the state to host next year's game. >> jon: and it's morally -- you know what? this is why you are now arizona you've made yourselves too homophobic and dickish for professional football. [cheers and applause] according to the nfl the new watchdog of gay rights none of the reasons that you have cited the fact that maybe muslims could use it against us or oh, my god people want to do business with us have nothing to do with morality. but with so many good reasons not pass it. how did it get this far in the first place megyn kelly has a theory. >> we hear from people on the
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religious right who feel religion is under attack. i look at this bill and wonder whether it's an overreaction to people who feel under attack. >> jon: good point. an overreaction? why would people of faith, where would arizonans have gotten the idea that religion is under attack in this country. >> is our nation losing religious foundation? >> should but be punished for your faith? >> who is to blame for the holy breakdown. >> christmas under attack. >> it's a war on easter. it's a war on religion. >> american assault on religion. >> it's under attack. >> religious liberty is under attack. >> i don't understand the assault on christianity? >> unity and faith comes under fire. >> jon: why would religious people overreact to that constant barrage of aapoc
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. [cheers and applause] >> you know the united states may not have won the most medals at this year's olympics. there's one event that we'll never be second best. fighting (bleep). the united states has the greatest military on this planet. we lead the world in smart bombs and increasingly stupid children but still. [laughter] we're about to fix that. the bombs part. [ laughter ] kids are kind of a lot of cause. >> after 13 years of warfare for this country, the u.s. now has a new defense battle plan that involves shrinkinging down the military. >> the -- shrinking down the military. >> it would shrink down to the smallest since 1930's before world war ii? >> jon: what? i just love the army.
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i just love the army. [laughter] we can't shrink the army. it's a process only tested on our kids. [laughter] and then after that ourselves. [ laughter ] ising this this goss to be a -- is this going to be a trilogy? what are we cut something in. >> after iraq and afghanistan we're no longer sizing the military to conduct long stability operations. there's 525,000 active duty soldiers. we've decided to further reduce the active duty army strength to a range of 440,000 to 450 soldiers. >> jon: 450 that's not enough. i really don't -- 450,000. that's -- [laughter] that actually should be fine. [ laughter ] so we're deploying tough love to match our military size to our military needs. i think this is right especially since our military spending is bigger than the next 13
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countries combined. as long as we keep the commitments we've already made to our veterans i think that we have to -- i know that noise. it's impossible. that can't be dick cheney. yes! he who lives in the shadows and feeds off the darkness the one who must not be named although i named him. >> i've not been a strong supporter of barack obama but this really is over the top. there's enormous long term damage to the militarism they are basically making the decision, the obama administration, that they no longer want to be dominant on the seas and the sky and in space and their budget reflects that. >> jon: yes, yes the commander in chief and the secretary of defense want the u.s. to be weak and defenseless so the china can come in and tickle us on our belly.
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>> woe rather spend the money on food stamps than he would on a strong military or support for the troops. >> jon: who used food stamps a bunch of moocher class dead beats. probably never worked a day in their lives. >> a lot of food stamps go to military families. military families more reliant on food stamps. over 100 million in food stamps at military grocery stores. [ laughter ] >> jon: shrewd move, obama taking food out of mouths of men and women in uniform and putting it back in their mouths. where is where america's best known dick really makes his mark. >> the whole thing is not driven by any change in world circumstance it's driven by budget consideration. >> jon: i'll tell you what you make dick dick changey be the secretary of defense there's no
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way he would cut the troop count by the 5.9% proposed. >> the budget we submitted to congress in the last few weeks calls for approximately a 25% reduction in force structure between now and 1995 and 1996. >> jon: yeah, because you would have to cut 25% troops because 5.9% cuts is for pussies. so when you were in the pebt gone, dick cheney, you made much greater cuts than they are making now. what was your reasoning for that again? >> we reduced forces deliberately based on continuing of the strat teagueying. the the only way you i know to cut budget is to cut the budget. >> jon: you know what never changes about dick cheney? changes about dick cheney? malcolm campbell broke the changes about dick cheney? land speed record nine times.
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it's owning your opponent... it's knowing beyond a doubt "you got this"... it's keeping your head down, your eye on the ball, and knocking it out of the park... it's getting in the zone... it's keeping on your toes... on target... on top... focus is staring the world in the face and saying "bring it"... focus is power... focus is life... and 5-hour energy is focus. [cheers and applause] >> jon: my guest font is an actor. his new film is called "non-stop." >> go, go, go! >> get the gun! [yelling] >> no, no, no.
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[grunting] >> help me, man. >> let go of him. >> stop. >> jon: dude, i have totally been on that flight. it's jet blue all the way. please welcome back to the program liam neeson. [cheers and applause] ♪ [cheers and applause] >> jon: young man, how are you? >> good, jon, thank you. >> jon: holy -- how long into the flight -- [laughter] -- and what was -- was that a -- was that a fuel request gone awry? what happened there? >> they served tea at the wrong temperature. [ laughter ] you americans d i love this country, i'm a citizen, you do
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not know how to make tea. i say can i have boiling water. they say hot water? no, boiling water. that's what it starts. >> jon: i have always found if someone is to get your tea order wrong you should drive their nose bone into their brain. i have always said that. this film someone has taken your daughter again -- [laughter] -- but they've taken her and she is on this plane. >> at adopted one. >> jon: and you have to find her on the -- i don't know what happened. is that the story? >> i love the guy that tells you no, i haven't seen your movie. >> jon: no, no, what i meant was i haven't seen it twice so i'm still a little confused about the details. you kicked more ass in the last five years tnches a psycho logical drama, jon. >> jon: thank you. >> it pays a homage to
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hitchcock. >> jon: you choose these wisefully. i find them very enjoyable. they are seat of the, you know, theater, exciting. >> it's fun to do, you know? >> jon: do they beat you up in this? >> a little bit. a little bit. it's all right. >> jon: you keep looking to my eyes younger and i'm very disturbed by this. you know what i'm say something in you seem to be getting fitter and larger. [ laughter ] >> i don't know what to say, jon. i'm 61 maybe it's the new 41. >> jon: how old are you? >> 61. [cheers and applause] all that irish rain when i was a kid. it's all that cow's milk. >> jon: here is my guess they keep new a weird formaldehyde crisper. because this -- are you having fun? >> having agreat time, yeah.
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>> jon: things are good otherwiseth. >> i can't complain. everything is good. i'm a little bit pissed off at our elected new mayor. >> jon: did he not shovel your snow appropriately? are you on the upper east side. >> he made my kids go to school in all that snow. >> jon: do you remember that in the snow storm? >> yeah. >> jon: you know what i did? i drove to the school and let all the kids out. let them all go. he upset. >> he wants to close the horse and carriage industry in new york. there was a poll last week over 60% of new yorkers want to keep the horse carriage industry in central park. >> jon: maybe in the park. we live next door to them. i feel bad for them on the streets. it seems like they and a lot of van traffic don't get along. >> the horse carriage industry they made the roads of new york. i just want that to rest there.
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>> jon: what are the roads made out of horse (bleep)? what do you mean? construction made the roads. what if they moved to it park. the horses didn't have to walk the streets? >> the organizations want to put out this -- all this false information about how these horses are treated. these guys treat the horses like their children. have you been in the stables, jon? >> jon: if dyfs found out they are keeping their children in 60 square foot stawlz and feeding -- stalls and feeding them twice a day buckets of grain it's not good parent as far as i'm concerned. you feel passality about this. i think there probably is. the two sides do not trust each other at all. >> he won't even tick a meeting with the horse carriage industry. he is supposed to be representing the new york people. >> jon: you are -- >> dammit!
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>> jon: is this a job you've done? >> i know a couple of the guys. i've been in the stables quite a few times eatinging. jorchg i think -- eating. >> jon: i think you pulled my wife and i around central park one day. from my perspective it does not steam be a particularly fulfillinging life for an -- fulfilling life for an animal. >> it is. jon begun they are trained for this is. >> jon: we don't know. unless it's mr. ed we don't know. they may look at you and say neigh. they could be trained to sit in a field. >> \stand up/stand-up. stand up. had enough. give me your nose. >> jon: "non-stop" is in the theaters on friday but i will >> jon: "non-stop" is in the theaters on friday but i will not be able to
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[cheers and applause] >> jon: that's our show. here it is your moment of zen. >> thank you for joining us. >> thank you for having me. it's a pleasure to be here.
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it is 11:59 and 59 seconds, this happens happened on youtube today, the academy awards are this weekend and here is the nominee on best advice on how to give an oscar speech from someone who never got an oscar. >> don't talk about how much you don't have much time so you must speak quickly, we know you don't have that much talk, to talk about the fact you don't have that much time, you waste ago lot of time. >> you sure make a good point, man delivering a speech from a green screen. i would like to hear more but we don't have a lot of time. >> we spend so much time on the video talk about how much time they take speaking about time and the video got real long. >> comedians i would like you to give me the worst possible way to start off an oscar speech, go. >> you guys, i have this really cool kick starter i could use your help on. cheer cheers